The Defining Decade (2012) by Meg Jay


The Defining Decade (2012) by Meg Jay

Meg Jay is a clinical psychologist, and this is essentially her call to action for “twentysomethings” based on what she’s learned working with numerous early-adult clients. I’m admittedly a bit late to a book like this, as I’ve only got a few “twentysomething” years left myself - but it was an insightful read regardless.

Jay explores work, relationships, and health as they all pertain to those starting out in adult life, and her overarching appeal is to work toward establishing all of these life-facets in your twenties rather than living aimlessly in the assumption that everything will fall in place later.

I was relieved to find that my career so far has been in-line with Jay’s suggested approach: making a definitive decision on what you want to do and taking strides toward it now. The difficult part here is knowing what you want out of a career in the first place, but any professional experience builds skill-capital for wherever you ultimately end up. And feeling sub-par or unqualified here is not only normal, but expected - since it typically takes years to establish yourself in your field. The important thing is not to give up and run away to an “easy” job just because you feel inadequate as a novice.

The most poignant assertion in The Defining Decade, at least for me, is that your twenties are a time to establish the major habits you want to keep throughout your adult life. The twenties are apparently the second and final period of major neural-network building in the brain (the first being early childhood), meaning it’s the time to solidify important connections and habits for navigating adult life before your brain prunes its “unused” links in your thirties.

I’m not entirely certain what lifestyle I want to establish for the years to come, but I’m motivated to figure it out now, in the “use it or lose it” neurological period of my own brain development.

I can’t know everything now, but there’s something encouraging in the idea that what I do in my twenties actually makes a difference for my future. Here’s hoping I take these last few “twentysomething” years and make the most of them.

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